Today I’m going to write about a subject some people will find quite controversial. Love and relationships. The reason for this is because I’ve seen so many bullshit relationships, friends of mine who think love is enough, some people who believe attraction is enough and damn online dating of any kind.
Most of the things above bring out the stupid in a lot of people. For example, I knew a girl not long ago who was dating a guy from England and she lives in the US. The problem there is she gives her all to him, visited him multiple times in the UK, spoils him financially, genuinely seems to care for him. Now that all sounds well and good but he’s never once been to visit her, never spent a damn penny on her and to top it off, refuses to even sleep with her. When I ask her why she’s staying with him, her reply is always “because I love him”. Inside I laugh a little because she’s clearly being used but can’t see it. She believes love is enough. I call bullshit on that straight up. Now their relationship is non of my business and I don’t like getting involved. She’s asked my advice many times though and I’ve been honest with her but try and change the subject because first of all she isn’t going to listen and secondly, it’s nothing to do with me.
Online dating and long distance relationships annoy me more than anything. When I say long distance I don’t mean a few hours drive, I mean if you can’t physically be with that person at the weekend when you’re both free and finances are no issue then it’s probably too far. Sat on FaceTime doesn’t count. What are we 14 years old? Don’t get me wrong I’ve had relationships that are long distance before but I’ve always made every effort to be with that person every chance I got and guess what, it didn’t work out. If your relationship consists mostly of messenger and FaceTime then I’ll tell you now it’s not going to work. I’m not talking about people who work away a lot or are in the army, I’m talking about the start of a relationship. If you “met” them online (stop talking shit, you haven’t met them at all) and still haven’t met up with them a good few times in the space of let’s say two months then it’s probably a joke. If it’s long distance and it’s the real deal for you then would you move to be with them? No? Waste of time then. Yes? Do it and good luck. Same deal if you have commitments neither of you are whiling to sacrifice or give up, then what is the point? You want to spend the next twenty years seeing the person you love once or twice a year? Only communicating via the phone, messenger, social media and video chat? Go for it but I pity you. I get mad about this subject because I’ve known so many people in my life start relationships online, some last weeks others have lasted years, then when they finally spend some real time together, it fails. I also find dating from a distance a cop out. I’ll tell you why. You do not have the responsibility of a relationship. It’s easy to lie, easy to cheat and easy to get on with your normal routine without having to think about your partner. Real relationships require some kind of sacrifice and commitment. Your partner is now in your life so you can’t just carry on the way your were before, you now have to make time for your partner. Long distance relationships don’t have to do that, you can just carry on as before and don’t have to take them into consideration. As soon as your partner is there with you you’ll notice the difference. That puts on the pressure. Same deal with annoying habits, you don’t see them via messenger or video chat. A real relationship requires you to physically be with them often.
If you think you’re in love ask yourself these simple questions. Does your partner stop you from seeing or speaking to anyone? Do they want to read your conversations with other people? Do they tell you what to do with your social media? Do they make you feel bad for doing something in particular? Or do you think you shouldn’t tell them something because they might get pissed at you? If you answered yes to any of those questions then you are being controlled. These things are happening to people and they think they’re in love so it’s ok. None of the above is ok. Take off the heart shaped glasses and think about it.
Call me old school but I believe if you truly love someone then you should be able to see them regularly in person, hold each other, go out on adventures together, sit and talk shit together, have date nights, kiss, have sex and even build a real physical bond. You can talk to who you want, only show messages etc if you want to (everyone is entitled to privacy) and your social media is your social media. A relationship should be based on trust, fun, laughter, loyalty, time together regularly, learning the little things the person does and freedom. Love will then come along and you will have something special. That’s what I stand by. Don’t get with someone who lives hundreds of miles away, just because they’re attractive or because they’re nice and funny via messenger. Take it slow, hang out a lot, get to really know each other and when the time is right, and you’ll know, start a relationship. Good luck to you 🙂
Song: Tesla – Love Song