Just emptying my mind for a minute. I’m a little all over the place right now. I seriously don’t know what to do for the best. As I mentioned in my last post I was talking to lawyers about visitation with my daughter. I’ve now spoken to about 5 different specialist lawyers who have basically guaranteed me visitation. I was so close to going for it but I’ve been stewing things over in my head. First thing, would taking legal action just make things worse? My sons mother was a complete nightmare for over a year after we split but just out of the blue came round and now we have a good relationship. Maybe there’s a chance my daughters mother would do the same eventually but if I take legal action would that ruin any possibility of that happening? I still haven’t made a 100% decision.

The things I can’t do with in life are liars. The amount of shit I’ve heard about myself gets me so angry. Apparently I deserted my son for the sun (florida), I can’t even believe that’s being said. I gave up everything to be with my fiancé, daughter and even take her two kids from a previous relationship on. I loved them two like they were my own. The move was a huge decision for me and it didn’t come easily. Now that decision was the thing that has ruined my life and I’m really struggling to get my life back on track, especially when all I can think about is my daughter that I may never see.

I constantly think about her, about her beautiful smile, what color her eyes will be, how fast she’ll grow, when she’ll start teething, what will be her favorite toy, what will make her laugh and how she’ll grab my finger when I hold her tiny hand.  I constantly want to just hold her and love her. She’ll forever be my little princess and I hope she’ll always know how much I love her and that she is always in my thoughts. I hope her mother doesn’t fill her head with bullshit lies about me and that she’ll one day get in touch and ask me if I want to see her, I’d just forget the past and be so grateful. I hate that parents can’t just be parents without taking their differences out by using the child. My daughter will be the one that gets the worst out of this whole situation either way. I want to raise my little girl and always be there for her but that’s been taken away. This is the hardest thing a human can ever go through.

I’m always here sweetheart, I think about you every second, I love you unconditionally and always will do. You’re my whole world

Song: Filter – Take A Picture

 

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