It’s all been a little weird over the last couple of days. Since Abigail was born I’ve felt very lost yet full of love even though I haven’t seen her in person. I’m actually looking for some kind of support group to be able to talk to a stranger or at least get advice from people. I’m a very private person and this journal is the only way I’ve felt comfortable being honest and open. Knowing no one I know personally reads and it has helped a lot but now I feel like I need to talk to someone properly.
My family is showing no interest in Abbey. They just don’t talk about her even when I do. Well, my grandparents are going to send Abbey a card but that’s it, it’s like that’s enough. The few friends I’ve talked to about her quickly brush it off and change the subject. I feel really alone. I have no idea what to do.
When Abigail was born her mother was talking to me nicely about our daughter but then just decided she didn’t want to have contact with me again. I’ve now to go through her mother. If it was up to me I’d message everyday but I feel like that will get on her nerves and I’ll end up getting less updates, info etc. So I decided I’ll only message every couple of days.
It’s the hardest thing in the world. Knowing you have the most beautiful daughter who you can’t see, hold or just be in her presence. Wanting to talk about her constantly yet no one else does. It’s like she only exists to me yet I can’t do anything. It was hard before knowing Abbey was on the way and not being able to support her mother during the pregnancy or be able to help with the preparation for her arrival but now knowing she’s here and seeing pictures of her beautiful face yet still not being able to do anything and feeling unless is worse. Being a dad is the most important thing ever in my life and it’s killing me. She’s my princess, my gorgeous angel.
I’ve always spoken to my boy about Abbey but when I got pictures of her I showed him and he ran around the house looking for her then got upset because she wasn’t there. He cuddled up to me and we both cried. It was as if my three year old is the only person who knows how I feel in a way.
Anyway im going to try find some kind of support network, maybe it’ll help in someway. Just needed to get all that out.
Song: Sixx A.M. – Smile